A young man on the brink of losing his legal status in the United States has taken to an online forum to share a deeply personal and increasingly common dilemma, one that intersects immigration, employment, and a long-term relationship. Recently laid off and with just a month left on his Optional Practical Training (OPT) visa, the man faces a rapidly closing window to remain in the U.S. legally. Complicating matters, he and his partner, an H1B visa holder, have been together for three years and were planning to get married later this year or early next.
Now, those plans may need to be fast-tracked. His partner has proposed that they marry immediately so he can switch to an H4 dependent visa, which would allow him to legally stay in the U.S. but not work until a future work permit (EAD) is granted. That process could take up to two years — a daunting prospect for someone with five years of professional experience across two countries. “We haven’t met each other’s families yet,” he shared. “But we love each other, and we were planning to visit home soon to make that happen.”
Adding another layer, both families live in the same state back in Asia, a coincidence that has only strengthened their bond. Still, the prospect of prolonged unemployment, even in the name of love, raises tough questions. His partner has pointed out that being married and filing taxes jointly in the U.S. could save them more than he would earn working abroad. But he is not convinced money should be the deciding factor. “I really enjoy working,” he said. “If I go back home, I could work and maybe start a YouTube channel to help others like me.”
The post sparked a flurry of nuanced responses online. One user stated, “Really tough spot. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Only you know what you truly want. Being unemployed for years is brutal—it hurts your career and mental health. Explaining a two-year gap on your resume will be hard later. There’s no right or wrong answer here; it’s complicated and personal.”
Another said, “Realistically, the Green Card plus EAD process will take around 3 years. I-140s are taking 2.5 years and H4 EADs another 6 months. If your STEM degree is a Bachelor’s, consider doing a Master’s for another STEM OPT. If it’s a Master’s, think about a PhD—you’ll stay engaged and might even qualify for EB1 based on your research.”
One user recounted their own painful experience, “I was in your shoes a decade ago. Switched to H4, stayed home for 2 years, and we’re divorced now. I sacrificed my career—and I’ll never get those years back. Don’t give up your career for anyone. You’ll regret it. No one will respect that choice—not your partner, family, or yourself.”
Others broke down the legal timeline bluntly, “If her company hasn’t even started her Green Card process, expect 3-4 years before you get your EAD. Each step—PWD, job posting, PERM, I-140—takes months or years, with delays in between. It’s not pessimism—it’s reality.”
Some offered alternate routes, “If you already have a PhD, look for academic roles at non-profits or state universities. These often offer cap-exempt H-1Bs. It’s a better path than being stuck for years waiting for work authorization.” And some warned against sacrificing too much: “Don’t marry just for a visa. She may start to feel she owns you. This could drag on indefinitely if there are RFEs, rejections, or policy changes. It’s a risky bet.”